Something happened yesterday and it was simply incredible. I was talking to a friend about financial things. There was absolutely nothing emotionally charged about our conversation but I kept seeing something on her face. It almost looked like she had been crying. It wasn’t a mascara run but it looked like fresh tears without the glisten. I was becoming increasingly distracted by it so I finally interrupted her and said, “Have you been crying?”
She said, “What?”
I said again, “Have you been crying?”
She said, “No. Why?”
I said, “It just looks like you have been.”
She said, “Do I have makeup on me or something? Are my eyes red?”
I said, “No. Actually, this may be in the Spirit. Are you sad about something?”
She froze, “What?”
I said, “Are you sad about something? Is something bothering you?”
She said, “How did you know?”
I said, “I think I’m seeing tears on your face in the spiritual. Tell me about it.”
She proceeded to share with me a story about something that has been really causing her pain. She had wounded a friend and wasn’t sure what to do about it. She felt like she was swimming in a sea of grace about it but there was something about that that made her uncomfortable, she just didn’t want to depend on the Lord so much. She was believing a lie that He was disappointed that she needed Him so much.
Her words reminded me of a time when I was breastfeeding. I had seen all the successful moms who would breastfeed and pump enough to have freezers full of milk. I wanted to provide for my daughter and save some for later in case she needed it. It took me almost a year to be able to save anything. I distinctly remember standing at my kitchen sink in the early months of my breastfeeding journey and saying to Jesus, “I just don’t want to have to ask You every day to provide this. What is wrong with my body that I can’t seem to produce enough without asking You for help? I just don’t want to need You.” In that moment I heard the Spirit whisper, “I am your daily bread. I am your daughters daily bread. I love to hear you ask Me. I long to provide for you. I am drawn to the need in you.” I want to tell you that I swooned and feel back in His arms. The truth is I flippantly responded, “I guess” and kept washing dishes.
And there is the stick: I don’t want to need Him all the time. I want to rule and reign and run my little kingdom. I want to fix my problems the way that I think they should be fixed. I want to provide for myself and have extra so I won’t need faith to live.
But I was, and you are, created to need Him and when our need meets His provision, this beautiful dance happens. There is no lacking. There is no striving. It is perfect, whole and holy. Heaven comes to earth.
So, friend, may I encourage you with 2 things today:
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He sees you. He is putting people in your path who will see your pain and help you carry it. Most importantly, He is working in the unseen. What is seen is temporary, what is unseen is eternal.
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He wants to be needed by you. Your dependance on Him is beautiful in His eyes. Will you offer your lack to Him and wait on Him to provide?
Crystal Freeman
