Decision Fatigue and Other Wiley Rascals

I know it’s not just me. The devil would have me think it is just me, that I am the crazy one, the unstable one. Or worse, the dreaded curse of most women, I am “the over sensitive one.” Yeah, I’m gonna just slide the bullshit card right across the table to all of those lies. I DO know that what is happening for all of us, in different degrees, is the onslaught of “all the things.” Your things may not look like mine, but they hurt the same, they confound the same, they take your breath away all the same as mine.

I told my friend who reached out this morning that I was drowning in decision fatigue. I was spent from deciding so many things at the same time, and, handling the emotional fallout of those decisions.


Welcome to Leadership 101, right?

Cry me a river, right?

Listen, this isn’t a pity party invitation, this is a shout out from the Front Line.

Why, oh why, is the assault against our rest, our peace, our very efforts to do good?

Let me bottom line this — so we will quit.

Quit trying to do good.

Quit trying to find our footing for peace.

Quit trying to solve problems so we can finally rest.

Quit listening for His whisper and kisses.

Quit believing what He has said.

Quit letting faith rise in dead of night.

Quit God.

So now what?


Say what you need to say.

For me, sometimes getting it all out is the cure. To clear the air of my mind and heart. Go write it all down. Go speak it out while you are driving, yelling out loud while driving is also acceptable. Pray it out. Cuss it out. Cry it out. But get it out. Why? Because the mere release of your words is an act of faith that Someone is listening. And He cares. He is not bothered by your pretty speech as much as He is moved by your hurting heart.

Truth silences the mind assault.

At 1 a.m. this morning I knew I needed to hear Truth. Tired and half asleep, I opened up the Verse of the Day on my phone. I felt like that was cheating, but God spoke loud and clear anyway. “When you are joined with me and I with you, intimate and organic, the harvest is sure to be abundant.”

Intimate and organic.

Ah yes. Relationship is always first. Not to-do lists.

Abundant harvests are His doing, not my endless efforts.

“But if you make yourselves at home with me and my words at home in you, you can be sure that whatever you ask will be listened to and acted upon.” (John 15: 5-8, The Message)

Make myself at home with Him.

His words at home in me.

Listened to and acted upon.

The devil is a freaking liar.

Trying to tell me I am alone. Trying to tell me no one cares. Trying to tell me that it’s all on me.

Open your hands in surrender and be filled

Also at 1 a.m., after I read that scripture, I sat in the dark and opened my hands to the Lord again.

Again. How many times have I surrendered my needs, dreams, desires? How many times have I confessed my attachment to my rights and preferences? How many times have I asked Him to remind me one more time about who I am?

Again—He held me until peace came.

Again—He sang the song that just sits in my spirit these days,

“Jireh, you are enough.

More than enough.

I’m already loved

I’m already chosen

I know who I am

I know what You’ve spoken.”

Nothing and no one in this world can create peace like the Prince of Peace.

Praise him before, during, and after the assault.

There are two scenes from The Chosen series that make me cry every time. One is the scene where Jesus meets Nathaniel. He has just told Nathaniel that He saw him “when he was sitting under the fig tree.” You can visibly see that Nathaniel is shaken and wrestling. He keeps looking to Phillip and Jesus says, “Don’t look at him, look at me.” Nathaniel peers into the face of Jesus. Intently. And then his expression of confusion turns to recognition of the One. Jesus laughs and says, “Ah, there it is.”

FAITH. You can see the Faith rise up in Nathaniel and peace was quick to follow. But EVEN more is Jesus’ delight in Nathaniel’s faith.

Have you ever considered it?? That your faith would cause Jesus, the Most High God, to smile?

Oh my soul. Yes, Lord. I delight to bring you joy.

The second scene is just as chilling. It is where the begrudging, and unbelieving, father of Ramah is giving Jesus the intense older man to younger man “this-is-nonsense” talking to. The father challenges Jesus that what he was asking of his follower was extreme. To which Jesus replied, “It is true. I ask a lot of those who follow Me. But I ask little of those who do not.”

Gasp. All for Jesus. How do we hold on to all He has said? How do we stay in step with all He is doing among us? Praise. Before, during, and after. Letting our spirit recite the same songs that Holy Spirit is singing over us. You’ve heard it before, worship is our greatest weapon.

Listen this isn’t a one and done routine. We STOP over and over. This morning at 7 a.m., only mildly more awake, the Lord said, “You need to go sit by the water until you see clearly again.”

He is so worth it. Actually, so is my peace.